"That’s it. The only two choices for women; witch and sexy kitten," said Miranda Hobbes in the Sex and the City movie. Now, thanks to Miranda's real life counterpart Cynthia Nixon, she can add a third choice to that list: governor of New York.
On Tuesday, March 19, 2018 Nixon announced her bid to run for governor of the Empire State, challenging two-term incumbent Andrew Cuomo for the Democratic nomination, prompting the Mirandas of every friend group the world over to text their group chat and let the Carrie know it’s officially time to pass the torch.
Nixon’s website takes no time in answering questions as to why she’s running, and what issues she sees as being the most pressing. What it doesn’t say directly is that she would be the first woman, and first openly queer person to hold the position. If ever there were a campaign for Miranda to donate to, this would certainly be at the top of her list.
In fact, for Sex and the City fans as a whole, this is essentially the dream fanfiction we deserve after plans for a third installment of the film franchise were put on an indefinite hiatus. Imagine a universe in which Miranda has (amicably) divorced Steve, after taking a long women’s retreat where she was led through a guided meditation during which she was finally able to connect with her Inner Goddess (it’s still Sex and the City after all).
Now, consciously uncoupled and fully connected to her inner self, free from a marriage that, no matter how magnanimous, was ultimately marred by heteronormative constructs imposed on her by society as a whole (and let’s be honest, by Charlotte), she is able to embrace the completely self-actualized radical liberalism she believed in but was too repressed to embody. Except it is real life, and not only are we living it, we have the opportunity to see it come to fruition.
And honestly, even if you are unable to separate Nixon from her on-screen persona, if ever there were a character uniquely positioned to transition seamlessly from a fictitious universe in which a newspaper columnist could afford a one-bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side with a closet full of Manolo Blahniks, to the heady heights of public office, Miranda Hobbes is certainly it.
In fact, it would not be the first time Sex and the City fans have taken canon content from the show and reenvisioned it to match a 2018 viewpoint. #WokeCharlotte, a meme created on the Instagram account Every Outfit on Sex and the City, takes Charlotte York Goldenblatt — by far and away the most conservative character of the main cast — and turns her into an intersectional, sex-positive, trans-inclusive third wave feminist, and a harsh critic of gentrification ready to call out and name her privilege in an effort to hold others in her position accountable. Hmm… now, doesn’t that sound like a certain gubernatorial candidate we were just discussing a moment ago?
Speaking of which, in the spirit of #WokeCharlotte, it is now time to introduce a new character into the memeable universe of Sex and the City: Please welcome to the stage, #GubernatorialMiranda! She’s still the same underappreciated fave we all know and love, but this time around, she’s running for office! She’s still got all the wit and knowhow we expect from our favorite lawyer, but now she's equipped with a sharp eye for public policy and the expertise to become the change agent the people of New York need.
Below, please enjoy some classic Miranda scenes from Sex and the City, reimagined to encapsulate her new aspirations to hold office:
Season 2, episode 10. The women are getting pedicures and talking about Miranda, a successful lawyer, dating Steve, a bartender:
SATC Miranda: “I want to enjoy my success, not apologize for it.”
Gubernatorial Miranda: "While I will not be ashamed of my accomplishments, it’s necessary that I recognize the systems in place which have afforded me the opportunities that led me to my current status, and work to bolster the education system — especially for underserved populations so that they may enjoy the same educational opportunities as their peers."
Season 3, episode 3. Miranda discovers that Magda has replaced her vibrator with a statue of the Virgin Mary:
SATC Miranda: “I drink coffee, have sex, buy pies, and enjoy battery-operated devices.”
Gubernatorial Miranda: “I appreciate your religious beliefs, and support your right to express those beliefs publicly insomuch as they do not inhibit the beliefs or safety of others, but I am a sex-positive woman who also believes that a woman’s body is her own and she is therefore free to do with it what she wants. So I would like my vibrator back, please and thank you.”
Season 4, episode 1. The women are discussing the concept of soulmates after Carrie receives a dating service advert in the mail:
SATC Miranda: “Soulmates only exist in the Hallmark aisle in Duane Reade drugs.”
Gubernatorial Miranda: “Given that queer people are now able to marry as they see fit, it would behoove us to shift our attention toward other pressing issues facing the LGBTQ+ community, such as homelessness and violence against trans women of color. Also, the concept of a soulmate is a byproduct of the social construction of monogamy, which is fine to ascribe to when done so consciously, but should not be the standard by which people define a healthy relationship.”
Sex and the City movie. Carrie says to Miranda, “New York Magazine says Brooklyn is the new Manhattan.”
SATC Miranda: “Yes, but whoever wrote that lives in Brooklyn.”
Gubernatorial Miranda: “The infrastructure, reliability, and accessibility of our subway system has become so broken that it is nearly impossible for the citizens of New York City to conceive traveling between boroughs in the fashion necessary to provide equal opportunity. The subway is an integral component of everyday life in New York and we must work to rectify the issues through an appropriate allocation of resources so as to ensure affordable transportation is accessible to all people regardless of zip code.”
Of course, real life Cynthia Nixon is certainly sure to best these answers crafted for a fictitious Miranda, but if what she has said so far is to be believed, she should be one of the most leftist Democrats we have seen run since the 2016 election. And Nixon is not in need of a push in that direction — her website clearly calls out Democrats who she believes have sold out in an effort to protect private corporations at the expense of their constituents.
Regardless of what happens politically, Nixon is the embodiment of the reason we should all be Mirandas — engaged citizens who identify issues within the system as it currently functions, decide a course of action, and proclaim that it can’t just be business as usual anymore. If New York is, as Sarah Jessica Parker continually put it, the fifth woman rounding out the Sex and the City cast, then I defer to Miranda here: Cynthia, go get our girl!
Garrett Schlichte is a freelance writer living in Washington, D.C. His work can be found in The Washington Post, The Advocate, Teen Vogue, and Slate.
